Why I go to church

Yesterday was a frustrating day. I had a list a mile long of things I wanted to accomplish, and as the day went by I felt like I was racing against the clock. After doing six loads of laundry, two weeks worth of ironing, and who knows what else my house was still a disaster. It appears my children have hands for the sole purpose of carrying their toys to places they don't belong and then leaving them there. The dinner I made from a new recipe didn't turn out quite like I thought it would. I ate too many cookies and didn't exercise. And as I raced around "getting things done" all I could see was the dusty blinds, streaky mirrors, dirty windows and scuffed baseboards that weren't being cleaned.

This morning started much the same. I woke up at the crack of dawn after a brief and oft interrupted night's sleep, during which I thought that babies were quite over-rated. I filled the kitchen with onion flavored smoke while starting dinner. And then I started racing against the clock to get us ready for church and out the door in time to get a pew on the side of the chapel, thus providing only one escape route for Isaac. We were seconds too late. Then the weekly wrestling match.

I escaped to the mother's lounge for a few minutes of peace. When I returned the stake president was telling a story I'm sure we all are familiar with. A professor fills a jar with fist sized rocks, and asks his class if it's full. They respond that it is, and then the professor dumps in gravel. The process is repeated with sand, and then finally the jar is filled to the brim with water. He asks his class what is the lesson to be learned, and one eager student answers that no matter how busy our lives are, you can always squeeze in one more thing! The professor responds that that is actually not the lesson. What we should learn, is that if you don't put the big things in first, they won't get in at all.

I reviewed the previous day wondering if my "big things" got in. I sat there remembering how many times Benjamin had asked me to play Bakugan with him, and I responded with irritation about how much I had to do. I remembered being irritated at Andrew for all the crying! And Isaac didn't take a nap, which was irritating. Madeleine whined and complained every time I asked her to put away her toys, or laundry, also irritating.

I also remembered that I had picked 2 Nephi 11:2-6 as my theme for the year. Nephi is listing all the things that his "soul delighteth in," and I had decided that I needed to concentrate on finding things for my soul to delight in. So, very decidedly, my day was filled with small irritating things, and not big delightful things, and it was all my fault.

I am thankful for the atonement, which gives me the opportunity to have a better day today than I had yesterday. I am thankful for children who forgive quickly, and will still ask me to play with them (although the odds are I still won't play Bakugan with Benjamin...). I am thankful for a husband who puts up with my irritating moods, and still eats dinner, even though it wasn't quite what I intended. I am thankful for the inspiration of the Spirit, which will hopefully help me remember to delight in the big things, and to fill my soul with them first.

After a difficult year of mourning, and being pregnant, I am ready to find things that bring joy, and I need to start right here at home.