Death is such a huge concept to comprehend. The kids know that when someone dies, they go live with Heavenly Father. It's an easy answer, and never for one minute do I doubt where my father is. I know he is whole, and well. And I know he still lives. But having him be gone from us is harder to understand. My mom is looking for some things she needs, and can't find them. My initial reaction was, "Call dad and ask him where they are. Just ask him." But you can't. And that's the part that's hard to understand. It's hard to think that he's not on a business trip somewhere and will be home soon.

That being said, we actually had a very nice Christmas. After a disaster of a trip to the doctor for Benjamin's sore throat, Madeleine heard me mutter something about "a crappy Christmas." She of course, as all children will do, ratted me out to Adam. And Adam pulled through. He's taking me to Disneyland. We're taking a long weekend, and going to LA, just us. It's nice to have something to look forward to again.