Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to church in my home ward in Maryland. This is the ward we moved into when I was five years old, and went to almost every week until I left for college. The furnishings have been updated, so everything is a new color, but it's still the same building, with all the same memories. I walked into the room where we had seminary and remembered how the tables were arranged. I saw my Mia-Maid teacher and remembered all the cool stuff she always had for decorations. The pew in front of us was empty, because the family who sat there for 25 years has moved away. I saw many old friends in the course of the week. But as I was sitting in Sacrament meeting, I looked around and realized that I was practically a stranger in the congregation. There were so many "new" faces (meaning they've moved in sometime in the past 8 years) and fewer and fewer "old" faces. It was a hard realization that everything changes, even home.
My father passed away on Saturday November 29 after a four year struggle with cancer. And so I am at home, where so much is the same, and yet, everything has changed. The chapel where I sat happily for 25 years will now always hold the memory of a funeral. But on Sunday it was still the chapel, doing the regular business of Sacrament Meeting. The same, yet different. Now there's a cemetary I will always look at when driving on the street I took to school every day. The same, yet different. My memories of this house will never change, and I will always have them to think on. But a major player in those memories is gone. Not here to help me remember them.
My life has to go on, I have children to take care of, and things back in Idaho to do. But my life has changed. I've tasted sorrow, which really never has played a part in my life before. My mother's life will go on also. But hers, still at the same house, with the same things to look at, is drastically different. No trips to the hospital. No special meals to prepare. No best friend to just sit quietly with.
8 comments:
I'm so sorry about your dad. That must be really hard.
We were so sorry to hear about the passing of your father. Please know that you and your family have been in our thoughts and prayers. We love you!
Erin that was so well written, you made me cry all over again. Hang in there.
What a neat post. Thanks for sharing. I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. That is so hard. Especially during the holidays.
I love you Erin ... hang in there.
I've read your post over & over and wish I could express my feelings so eloquently. We pray for your mom and the rest of your family. I guess if we never experienced sorrow we would never know joy and happiness either. We love you & miss you.
Oh Erin... I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I had no idea about your Dad, and just wanted you to know I care. We missed you at the party yesterday.
Erin, I admire your mom and dad so much. The family they raised together is successful and truly wonderful. I have been thinking of you and your family.
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