Secrets of Staying in Love

Last night I met with my book group to discuss a book called Secrets of Staying in Love, by Ruth Stafford Peale. This book is an old one, and is actually out of print, so I had to buy it used from Amazon. I read it about a month ago, and it's a quick read. I'm going to list the "secrets" here, and then quickly discuss the thoughts I had.

1. Be Committed
2. Accept your mate
3. Think of your mate before you think of yourself
4. Create special times for undisturbed romance
5. Keep God at the center of your marriage
6. Be a good climate-arranger
7. Pray
8. Study your in-laws
9. Honestly appraise your own personality
10. Appreciate your mate
11. Blend your lives together
12. Learn to be an effective shock absorber
13. Learn to laugh together
14. Guard against jealousy over careers
15. Be totally honest
16. Anticipate happiness and not disappointment

After having read over that, I realize that the statements are somewhat vague, and you really do need to read the book to know sort of what Mrs. Peale meant behind those "secrets." For example, accepting your mate really means to study your man, and know him better than he knows himself. Anyway, it's a good book, and worth the whopping $4 I spent to buy it from someone unknown online.

Here's the thing. As I was reading, I noticed that this book focuses so much on the wife, and all the things SHE can do to make this marriage good. It almost was a throwback to the 40's where the little wife waits at home with a pot roast, cleans the house spotlessly every day, puts on her lipstick right before her man gets home from work, and keeps the kids quiet and well-behaved while her man reads the newspaper after dinner. I was getting a little irritated as I read.

I was thinking, "This book was written in 1971, and life is so different now." But all of a sudden, I remembered "The Family: A proclamation to the World." I realized that it didn't matter what year it was, or what society thinks of stay at home moms. I realized that this is my job. My job is to make a house a temple, and a refuge from the world. My job is to raise my children so they can in turn make their homes temples. My job is to love my husband with all I've got, and to know how to show him my love.

I realized that these "secrets" are timeless. Knowing how to be a good climate-arranger holds true now more than ever. If I can keep the atmosphere in my home welcoming, peaceful and full of the Spirit, then my marriage is happier.

If I can honestly look at my own personality, and recognize things to work on, then I am happier, and my marriage is stronger.

If I can think of Adam's needs before my own, he will know I how truly I love him, and hold him in my heart.

And if I can study my in-laws (crazy Hansens!!!) then I will see how he was raised, and what he expects from his home.

This is my job. I want to be good at it.